1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
