I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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