before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
