Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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