So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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