Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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