I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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