better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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