i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
