The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
