How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
