How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
