Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
