Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
