i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
