clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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