My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
