i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
