She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
