so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
