So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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