he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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