WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
