if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
