Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
