Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
