remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
