new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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