If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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