paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
