The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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