Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
