ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
