sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Barsexuality is the new black.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
