I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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