Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
