he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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