never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
