he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
