I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
