Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
