we're chasing vodka with high fives
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
