Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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