please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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