So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
