Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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