I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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