"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We got so high we made milksteak
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
