Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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