You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
