No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
