I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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