So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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