I'm really into asian looking animals
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
