Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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