god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
