So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
